Ever hear the saying “misery loves company?” It is so true, and a person who is always miserable is a killjoy.
Not only is a killjoy a person who is always down and miserable and always wants others to be miserable with you. To add insult to injury, this person does not even want to have fun or allow you to have fun.
Whether it is a daytime walk on the beach or a late-night out your friend will always find something “bad” about what you are doing. Worse yet, every person you know or meet your friend may have something bad to say about her-as this typically is more of a problem between women than men.
Dealing with this Issue
Sometimes enough is enough. You can learn how to get rid of a killjoy, otherwise known as a “party pooper.” Here are the best ways to deal with the problem:
Compromise with her. Perhaps one of the reasons your friend is being a killjoy is because maybe she resents doing what you always want to do. For instance, if she does not drink maybe she does not want to be at a part. Therefore, the two of you can perhaps go to lunch or watch a movie instead.
Confront the situation. You can compromise with your friend and respect her. However, you should except that you can only do so much. If your friend is never happy no matter what activities you plan together or no matter how much you are there for her emotionally during hard times, it is not always your fault. At one point you have to tell her, “take a dump or get off the pot.” No one wants to be around someone who is down ALL the time.
Tell her how you feel. Perhaps you feel bad when you are around your killjoy friend. Maybe you feel like all your choices are wrong just because she conveys the message that every single thing you do is bad even if it is not.
Maybe she will realize she is being too judgmental and respect your decisions even if she does not always agree with your choices. Sharing how you honestly feel could be a turning point.
Respect your friend. If after you and your friend have had some kind of reasonable conversation about what might be causing her to want to ruin your fun, respect your friend. For instance, if you find out she does not want to ruin your fun but just does not want you to drink around her for instance respect that. It takes two to make a friendship work.
It can hurt to feel betrayed by a friend. This act of betrayal is often referred to as “backstabbing” and the people who do it are “backstabbers.”
Betraying someone’s trust is serious business and you do not have to let someone hurt you or take advantage of you. In the worst extreme you may decide not to be that person’s friend but you might decide to confront the situation.
Examples of Betrayal
One example of betrayal is someone who talks behind your back, especially to another best friend of yours. This often is done either out of innocent venting and your friend is too afraid to confront you directly or it is done to hurt you and make trouble for you.
It could be done without thinking but it also could be done intentionally, as a way to divide you and your other friend out of jealously. This is not the only kind of backstabbing though.
Other types of backstabbing would be “stealing” your boyfriend, or if you are a guy, “stealing” your girlfriend. A good friend would not try to interfere with or break you up with your girlfriend or boyfriend.
An additional type of backstabbing may be having friends plot against you to ruin you. This goes along with gossiping and talking behind your back. Maybe they even spread gossip around the entire school, find a way to embarrass you, vandalize your property, or steal from you.
Dealing with Backstabbers
There are a number of ways to deal with backstabbing. However some of the best pieces of advice for learning how to get rid of backstabbers are shown below:
Choose your battles. If you let back-talk get to you every time you hear someone said something about you, your homework or other chores or other activities would never get done. Choose your battles carefully and if it was not a huge offense such as a friend vented about you to another friend not meaning to hurt you just let it go.
Find out the truth. Before you make rash judgments based on what others say your friend did to you find out the truth. Talk to your friend that you suspect could have backstabbed you or gossiped about you.
Ask questions such as, “It’s it true that you said…??” This would usually open up the door for an honest discussion and possibly your friend will apologize.
Ignore the person who backstabs. It is not as much of an issue if it is someone you do not like or never was friends with anyway. Your priority in this case would be to do what you can to preserve and repair your current friendships and ignore the “bad apple.”
Forgive. As in the case of a more minor offense you and your friend can forgive one another. You can set boundaries and hope that it does not happen again and hopefully return to the friendship you had previously, doing the things you always used to do together.
Find new friends in the worst-case scenario. This is a situation in which you know your friend was really not your friend. They may repeatedly have gossiped about you or they may try to sabotage every opportunity you have to meet or get to know a new date, or whatever.
This person may always go to great-and evil-lengths to get their way and gain the most popularity. Get rid of them! They were never friends in the first place, and find new friends!
As a kid, teen, or young adult it can be hard not to feel pressured to do what everyone else is doing. However, you do not have to give into peer pressure-and NO not everyone is doing what they are doing, because YOU are not doing it if you say no.
Why Kids/Teens Give In
The reason why kids and teens and even young adults who just graduated high school give in is they are afraid of being rejected. They want to fit in and they want to be liked and they do not want to lose friends if they are afraid of doing what they do not want to do.
Kids, teens, and young adults might also give in because they have a hard time thinking for themselves. They might not be able to set boundaries either, especially when it comes to saying no to sex.
Dealing with Peer Pressure
Whether you are a kid or teen living at home you can handle peer pressure. It may take some work on your part but you can do it!
Some tips on learning how to get rid of peer pressure include the following:
Decide for yourself what is right and what is wrong. One thing that can help you is that feeling in the pit of your stomach or in your chest or your throat. If the muscles in these areas tighten up it means you may be afraid, and this fear is for a reason.
It is your conscience telling you “no don’t do it.” It is a similar feeling you get when you think about stealing something from the store but you know it’s wrong. When other kids are telling you that drinking, doing drugs, or having sex is cool and you do not think it is cool don’t do it. (Having sex as a teen is not recommended. You could end up with a baby before you are ready.)
Get to know yourself. Decide what your favorite foods, movies, and activities would be. Then, find other friends who like to do the same things and eat the same things and watch the same movies. Another example is if you are an outdoors person finding other people who appreciate the outdoors to spend time with. This will cause less conflict when trying to find something fun to do that does not involve drinking, drugs, sex, etc.
Be assertive. Of all the creative ways to refuse to steal, drink alcohol, do drugs or have sex…just saying “no” outright is best. You do not even have to explain yourself because if you try to explain yourself that can make the problem much worse.
A backseat driver is a person who treats you like you’ve never driven before or you have never had your license. They tell you where to go or they may constantly question your judgment even though you may be one of the best drivers.
They may do this because perhaps they do not have a license or a car. They may also do this because it is a way for them to take the focus of themselves and put it on another person.
Examples of Backseat Driving
A backseat driver may do one of a number of things while you drive. They may tell you about all kinds of shortcuts at every intersection you pass or turn on. They might tell you about the very powerful car they used to have while comparing it with yours.
They may constantly tell you to speed up or slow down even if you are going the speed limit. Worse and last of all, they may continuously criticize every move you make as if they are trying to teach you.
Dealing with a backseat driver, especially if it is someone who is a regular passenger, can be a bit stressful. It can even be dangerous and cause you to lose your concentration.
Learning how to get rid of a backseat driver can be done while following one of these suggestions:
Just ignore the person. Maybe you can hum a tune to yourself or wear a pear of headphones that have music playing at a low volume while you drive. (The low-level volume of music is much less annoying!)
Change the subject abruptly. If you think of something to talk about that can take the focus off of your driving that can help make you less nervous. It also can help the backseat driver to stop focusing on you so much and causing you to lose your concentration.
Give your drive a magazine or book. If it is a regular passenger, make sure you know exactly what kind of reading material would interest him or her. This hopefully will shut the person up or get the person to stop telling you what to do.
Confront them directly. You can set some rules such as no rude comments or criticisms and give them examples of things they say to you that hurts you. Tell them if they keep trying to tell you how to drive especially if they do not have a care or license tell them they are going to have to find another way to get to where they have to go.
It is perfectly acceptable for an adult to want to act like a child again. Go ahead and eat some cotton candy or ride on a “kiddie” ride at the amusement park (if you can fit on the ride).
However, childish behavior and silliness has its time and place. You can even joke around at work once in awhile but not ALL the time. Furthermore, there is time for play but not ALL the time.
Types of Immaturity
One class of very immature and childish people is those that never seem to hold down a job. They think life is a free ride and they are always depending upon others while making almost no effort to improve their own lives.
A third group are the types of people that may have a conscious at least but they push other’s buttons all the time. Maybe they put others down and tell cruel racist jokes or they are always making lewd comments or telling people what to do or just acting silly all the time.
The third group of people might also be the types of persons who gossip all the time. They might be busybodies and even always need to be the center of attention, or they may feel the need to always make fun of people.
Dealing with Immaturity
It can be hard sometimes for the average person not to get irritated or angry every time an immature or childish person crosses their path. There is a better way to deal with immature people versus yelling at them or otherwise lashing out at them.
Use the following suggestions for learning how to get rid of immature people:
Ignore foolish, silly, or hurtful behavior. For instance, if someone is acting silly at work while you are trying to get your work done just pretend the person is not there. If the person is trying to make fun of you pretend that person is not there.
Treat them like babies. For instance, maybe compulsively give to them even though they do not even need the favors you are doing for them. The immature and childish person will hopefully at some point get the picture and realizes how babyish they really are.
Confront the childish person directly. Tell the person that he or she is acting in a very immature person and ask the person to stop. They may just never have been told that what they are doing is uncomfortable or annoying to others. They may surprise you and actually apologize for the behaviors and stop.
Do not tell them what to do. Part of the reason a person is immature is because they may have always had other people make their decisions for them. Do not tell that person what to do or how to live their lives. Let the person make his or her own mistakes and let the person better his or her own life.
Give the person a taste if his or her own medicine. For instance, if a person makes fun of you constantly start making fun of them back at least temporarily. You do not want to get into the habit of always doing this, but to a person who does it to you maybe they will finally get the picture.
Homophobia is the fear of a person just because of their sexuality, because they happen to like the same sex. It also could mean that you feel uncomfortable or uneasy of a person simply for this reason.
There are many different convictions about whether this kind of lifestyle is okay. These convictions are based on your upbringing. However, with that aside all people should be treated equally no matter how they live and no matter their sexual orientation.
Why the Fear?
Sometimes people are homophobic because they themselves are unsure of themselves sexually. They may also have been told that homosexuality is a result of a severe mental illness or they may fear that a person like this would in some way harm another person.
Steps to Combat Homophobia
There are several ways to get rid of homophobia. It starts with a greater understanding, and then blossoms from there.
Here are some ways to fight against homophobic feelings and actions:
- Figure out where your fear of homosexuals has started. Perhaps a parent or other person who you were close to was a very judgmental person and loudly spoke against people like this. That is, in a way that is very demeaning as if the homosexual individual is not a human being.
- Be objective, even if you do not agree. Not everyone is expected to agree with another person’s sexual orientation and there are many different views about homosexuality. Even if you do not agree with the sexual preference of another person be objective when speaking to that person.
- Talk to that person like you would anyone else. That is, if you know a person who is homosexual or even bisexual speak to them as you would anyone else. Do not always bring up topics related to their sexual orientation. Instead talk about sports, music, or even business matters.
- You can learn from a non-homophobic person. Perhaps you have a straight friend who knows people who are gay. Socialize with that straight friend and his or her gay friends. This is one way to learn how to talk and interact with other people who like the same sex.
- Do not tell cruel jokes or make rude comments. Any joke that is targeted towards individuals who like the same sex is not recommended. These types of jokes are similar in impact as a racist joke would be to say a Jew, African-American, or Polish person.
Stammering is the act of saying extra syllables when you speak, especially when giving a public speech. Extra “ums” and “ahs” are prime examples of this kind of speech.
Sometimes stammering is the inclusion of words or syllables that are inappropriately used in wrong places in a sentence and/or miss-pronounced. Valley girls who “like talk like this” is one prime example, or just using two syllables to pronounce a one-syllable word is another.
When in a causal social situation this kind of speech can be hilarious. It also is used on the streets at times and is often just a form of slang.
However, in more formal and professional settings such as an office or work party or high-class country club talking like this is unacceptable. It is unacceptable either socially or professionally or both.
Learning disorders, post-traumatic anxiety, or nerve problems are some of the causes of stammering and/or stuttering. Sometimes though, it is just a result of pent-up negative emotions and just never learning the right way to speak as a child.
If you want to learn how to get rid of stammering here are some practical solutions:
- Learn how to speak slower. When you talk too fast it causes you to stumble over your words. Have more of a rhythm when you speak but do not sound like you are reciting a poem or performing a rap song.
- Clear your mind of all anxious thoughts. When your mind is relaxed your mouth is more relaxed and you can speak more clearly. You should also organize your thoughts more clearly before giving a public speech.
- Rehearse what you say before you deliver a public speech. The more you practice what you have to say to a large group of people the less nervous you are when you present yourself. This will cause you to be less likely to add extra “ums” and “ahs” during speech pauses.
- If you are allowed to use note cards when giving your presentation that would be best. Better yet, if you have the option to write down every word of what you want to say and just read it to the audience that would even be better. There would be no need to memorize in this instance.
- Use speech guides to help you know how long to pause when speaking. For instance, if you have speaking notes that have one slash after a phrase that means you would pause for half a second. Two slashes is a full second and three slashes is a pause for two to three seconds (usually after speaking a paragraph of text).
- Additional speaking guides that can help are to use ascending and descending arrows, kind of like the kind that are on music scores. This will help you learn when to speak louder and when to soften your speech to get the effect and convey the message you want.
A third wheel can be annoying if the person is around all the time. In this case, we are talking about how a girlfriend wants to get rid of her boyfriend’s friend who is ALWAYS around.
How does a woman go about this without causing friction between herself and her man? It is going to take careful communication on her end so her boyfriend is not going to feel as if he cannot have a life.
Here are some tips on how to deal with a third wheel:
Find a good time to ask your boyfriend if he feels content with the amount of alone time you and him share together. If he says no that is an invitation to ask him if he can negotiate with his friend at least a few nights a week away.
If your boyfriend says he is content with the time together still tell him your feelings and say maybe that you would at least like one more evening alone with him per week, for example.
What ever you do be careful to choose your words carefully. Ask for what you want from your boyfriend without accusing him of not caring. Usually a man respects a woman more if she just asks for what she needs and does not whine, complain, or nag about it.
Arrange a night out with you and your boyfriend and his friend, and introduce him to some women. The hope here is that he will meet a woman and then have less time to annoy you and your boyfriend. He will then not invade the private time you would want as a couple.
Be assertive with the third wheel when you and your boyfriend need time alone. If you need to, do not answer the door or phone. However, if he at least respects you when you say you and your boyfriend need time alone then it pays off to just be assertive.
If the third wheel is living with you and your boyfriend and he never gives you time alone, kick him out. It can be hard for a man to choose between his best friend and his girlfriend. There may be a time when nothing else will work to set boundaries with the third wheel especially if he is living with you and your boyfriend.
This is a time to take action. Yeah, the best friend of your boyfriend may be offended but he will get over it. At some point he may actually thank you because some day he will find someone he really loves and then he will finally understand.
Occasionally times are tough and honest, hard-working people cannot pay their rent on time sometimes. However, there are also the kinds of people that just have no respect for landlords at all.
You as a property owner need to learn how to get rid of tenants that just do not seem to care at all. They may be deadbeats who just do drugs and who just are a total menace to society, and currently to you.
Either that or they may vandalize your property and even go months without paying their rent. They probably have cost you thousands of dollars by now. You do not need this.
If you are dealing with someone who has not paid his or her rent for awhile you should take action. Here are some steps on how to evict a tenant who has not paid rent in awhile:
Before eviction-If only a few days past the date of the rent have past you probably just need to remind the tenant that rent is due. Perhaps you can remind them of the terms of the least which includes a late fee. This would usually be what you would do after the tenant has not paid by a certain date, usually sometime between the first and the third of the month.
Upon eviction-The number of months or number of days before eviction is issued varies. Some landlords might issue it even if you have never been late on your rent before. Others might wait until 30 days have passed. Usually the terms of an eviction are “five days to pay or vacate.”
This means that you give the tenant five days to pay the unpaid rent balance for however many months outstanding or the tenant has to vacate. Usually the tenant by this time will know you mean business. However, at this point the tenant may decide to just leave.
After tenant leaves-Per terms of the lease between you the landlord and the tenant, the option may be to forfeit the security deposit if rent is unpaid. You can remind the tenant also after the tenant moves out of the unpaid balance.
At some point legal action may be necessary but try to avoid this if possible. Of course, if the interior of the place is damaged the tenant may not get the security deposit back anyway.
You should really read the laws in your state regarding the eviction of a tenant. This will help you decide what your rights are as a landlord.
Many things can cause a person to have a low self-esteem. Maybe the person feels rejected by a person he or she once loved or maybe it could be because of a disability.
Sometimes if a person is having financial problems that person can feel helpless. This is another major cause of low self-esteem.
However, it is good to learn how to improve your self-esteem. That way, you can feel good about yourself regardless of your circumstances.
You can also learn ways to improve your life. That way, you can feel good about yourself as a result of a sense of accomplishment.
Self-Esteem Improvement Tips
Learning how to get rid of slow self-esteem can take some work. You may have some ups and downs during the process of trying to feel better about yourself. Now it’s time to take action.
Some self-esteem improvement tips include as follows:
- Tell yourself positive messages. Say to yourself, “I am a good person” and “I am lovable and capable.”
- Never give up if you try something that you really want to succeed at and you do not accomplish what you want to accomplish right away. In the process believe in yourself that you can do what you want to do.
- Hang around positive people. These people will lift you up and encourage you. They will also help you make good decisions and they will help you develop healthy relationships.
- If you are going through a hard time financially or you are having some kind of personal crisis lean on someone strong for support. It could be a good friend, a family member, or a counselor or teacher.
- Find something fun to do and try to socialize at least once a week. Being around people who have a good sense of humor will help you relieve stress and this helps improve self-esteem.
- Starting a new hobby or playing on a sports team can improve your self-esteem. It just always helps to have some kind of outlet that is beyond your job or your family life.
- Read inspirational books and listen to uplifting music. Treat yourself to a hot bath or exercise regularly. This helps increase endorphins and keeps you healthy. Good health raises your self-esteem.
- Another idea is to participate in volunteer work. When you help others you forget about your own problems for awhile. You also feel empowered, as if you have a purpose in this world. That is one major cure for self-esteem.