How To Deal With Dishonesty

By Subodh / November 25, 2013

There are some key things in every relationship that can make or break it. Trust is perhaps the single most important thing in any relationship. By the same token, dishonesty in any relationship can cause a lot of stress. Moreover, it can cause a deep impact on you in the future. If someone is dishonest with you constantly and breaks your trust, you may become suspicious and suffer from paranoia personality disorder when dealing with other or future relationships. Therefore, it is important to address the issue.

Is he or she really dishonest?

It is very important to find out if the person is dishonest, or are you jumping to conclusions by judging too much. A few harmless lies said with good intentions do not mean that he or she is dishonest. Find out the intentions behind the lies. If the intention to lying is to malign someone or to cause harm to someone, then it shows dishonesty. However, this is only true if it is done occasionally. Lying too much at almost every step might be a deep characteristic for a few people.

Dishonesty

What is your relationship with the person?

What is the relationship with that person and how important is he or she in your life. This is very important. Is he or she a coworker? Is he or she your boyfriend or girlfriend? Or your spouse? Once you know the relationship and importance of the person in your life, it can help you to act accordingly.

Ascertain the impact on you

Before you take any steps to deal with it, it is very important to ascertain the impact of the person’s dishonesty on you. If he or she is a coworker then it can be solved in a different way. If the person is your college friend and is not important, you can choose to avoid him or her. However, if he or she is your partner in business, it could cause harm to you in future and you need to take serious step like dissolve the partnership. If he or she is someone you love then you might take some effort to help that person or confront the issue before you take much more stern steps. Additionally, there are primarily two kinds of dishonest people namely situational and behavioral. Situational dishonest people are typically dishonest in some particular set of situations like financial, love, relationships. The behavioral dishonest people are dishonest without even knowing that they are dishonest. They tell lies about practically everything in life. It is just their way of living. Situational dishonest people are easier to handle than others.

Question them as much as possible

When you engage them in a conversation, corner them by asking questions. Remember the game you played years ago, 21 questions. The rules remains the same. If you do not remember the game, never mind. Just remember not to get into answering approach. Question them back as much as you can even if they question you in the conversation. The trick is to question the question and question the answers. The more you question them, more you are cornering them. When you question, they are answering and they cannot go back on their own words. This is because it is their idea and not yours. Once you have cornered them, then it becomes easy for you to confront them.

Confront with facts

If you must confront, then confront with facts. These people would like to reason with you but if you have facts to prove them wrong then it could put them in a back seat. However, do not confront them when you feel they are being dishonest and do not call them a “liar” at that point of time. This could make them defensive and/or offensive. Ignore them at this point and then confront at a later stage but remember to confront them with facts.

Do not ignore small things that may not concern you

Once you know and have proved a few times that the person is dishonest, make it a point to pin point him or her whenever you feel they are being dishonest. Even if the matter does not concern you, do not let it go because it is none of your concern. Show zero tolerance policy against their dishonesty. This may at least make them conscious of the fact that they are being dishonest. Many people are dishonest because it has become their personality trait and use it as an easy escape to come out of the situation. Pointing them out every time makes them more aware of their dishonesty. Lastly, it may also corner them to accept that it is a problem.

Seek help of an expert

If the dishonest person accepts their fault and expresses to change, then seek help of an expert. A psychologist or a therapist might be able to help. Some people are dishonest in order to look good because of their insecurity. A psychologist will be able to pin point the main reason and may help to over come the strong belief system causing them to be dishonest.

Move on

Lastly, if nothing works and you still see no changes in the person then it is probably time to move on in life. A dishonest person is not worth the time and effort you invest in them. Nothing is more important that peace of mind. If after repeated attempts the person does not change, then it would be best to accept that the person never wished to change. Nothing is more important than peace of mind to you. If they do not change, then you will have to accept that there are unseen dangers keeping any ties with such a person. They may cheat you or break your trust, which may not only cause you financial or physical loss, it could also influence your life and mind in the future. Financial loss may still be recovered but deep emotional losses may influence your life and your self-esteem. Therefore, sometimes it is important to be strong and move on in life.