How To Deal With a Difficult Daughter in Law

By Subodh / December 29, 2013

Most of the times we get to hear how mother-in-laws make life miserable for daughter-in-laws. Mother-in-laws are perhaps the ones who have made it to the top of the list of the people who are dreaded the most. But what if this is not the case in your family. What if it is the daughter-in-law who is proving to be difficult and causing discord? Well there is no written rule that only mother-in-laws could be difficult.

If the relationship between you and your daughter-in-law is not exactly how you want it to be, and you are finding it difficult to deal with her, then you will have to be very careful about how you take care of this situation. You know that it is not just your daughter-in-law, it is your son too who will be affected by the results of your actions. Your son chose to marry the girl with whom you are not able to manage well, but for the sake of his happiness you will have to find ways through which you can bring peace and harmony in the house. Here are some tips on dealing with your difficult daughter in law.

Difficult Daughter in Law

Start With Respecting And Accepting The Fact That She Is Your Son’s Choice

It could be difficult for you to figure out what made your son choose a girl like that and perhaps you may have questioned him already. When Hollywood says love sees nothing but love and overlooks everything else, they are not wrong. When in love we tend to overlook the weaknesses of the other person. If you could remember being in love ever, perhaps you will understand this. So start with respecting your son’s choice and wish that he continues finding good things in her instead of weaknesses. If you care for your son’s happiness, you will never talk about anything against her with him. The only way your son and daughter-in-law will stay happy is if they continue loving each other. No matter how much you dislike her, accept that she is your son’s soul mate and be at peace with that fact.

Stay Friendly With Her No Matter How Odd The Situations Get

This could be the most difficult thing to do especially when you have a large ego. But it will get easier if you consider yourself to be a doctor and treat her as a patient who needs to be changed. No matter how rude and crude your daughter-in-law gets, always stay friendly and cordial with her. These will be the testing times for you. But you will have to go through the fire for the sake of happiness of your son and to maintain peace at home. If you are staying calm it will not mean you are letting her walk over you. You can be assertive about things without being loud and rude. If you know what is right, you can stay the right course by being nice too. If you are able to follow this, you will notice after some time that your daughter-in-law has changed her ways too.

Be Clear About What You Can Tolerate And What You Cannot

There may be a lot of things you could overlook. There may be certain things you cannot overlook. For instance, if as a family you have rule to clean the kitchen after preparing the meal and your daughter in law is not following it, you can overlook it. Perhaps she is not used to doing such things at her home. However, if she is very disrespectful of someone in the family, there is no way you can overlook it. In this case you will need to confront her and tell her the limits. Again, you don’t have to get angry or rude while doing this. You could be nice and still you could be assertive.

Talk Things Out With Her

More often than not things don’t get sorted out because we don’t talk to each other when there is a disagreement. Ego is a known destroyer of relationships. You may hold on to your ego but after some time things may go so bad that your son and daughter-in-law may decide to move out. In our country this could be a pretty normal thing. But wouldn’t it be a lot better if the entire family stayed together happily. If you want to stick together merrily, you will have to throw your ego out of the window.

Take the initiative and talk to your daughter-in-law. Don’t get into the complaining mode. First tell her that you realize things are not really perfect between you and her and you want to change it. Let her speak first. Even if it seems she is complaining, let her do that. Ask her what is it that she wants to change and how both of you together could bring about this change. Perhaps she doesn’t understand some of your behaviors. After talking to you, she may understand and accept it. If peace talks between nations can avert wars, there is no reason why it cannot bring peace between you two.