How To Deal With a Flake

By Subodh / November 20, 2013

If you have been stood up by the girl on your date, it can be quite annoying. You almost want to kill yourself in such a situation especially when you have missed your work or missed the soccer finals to be on the date. Here are a few ways to deal with a girl who flakes

Benefit of Doubt

Give her the benefit of doubt. It is not the time to cook up stories about how she does not like you. It may have nothing to do with you. For all you know, she might have been stuck somewhere and could not escape out of the situation. You calling her may have scared her even more and may be that is why she did not return your call or text you back. Give her some space and time to revert to you and do not jump to conclusions.

Make her Feel Comfortable

She might have stood you up because you made the date sound very intense and serious. The idea should be to make it sound more casual and a fun time. If she gets a feeling that you are going too far too soon, she may not be comfortable to come to the date. Understand personality traits of different people. Some people do not like to give a specific commitment, weeks before the date. If you scare her by saying that, I will miss my work to meet you or we can go to my apartment after dinner then she might get too uncomfortable to meet you.

Do not Fix the Date too soon

It could be very tempting to see a beautiful single girl at your friend’s party or some social media website. However, hold your horses and do not jump straight away to ask her out. Some people take some time to open and find it intimidating to be asked out on a date in the first tête-à-tête. Find common topics to discuss on in the first few calls before you can ask her out on a date. A few calls initially are good enough to break the ice.

Try not Calling it a Date

flaked-on-date

Subtleness is always appreciated. You do not have to term it as a date. It can intimidate a few people. Initially just ask her casually for a cup of coffee or visit to a near by art exhibition. You can also say that my friends and me are watching a movie, do you want to join in.

Choose Time and Date Mutually

When you choose the date and time of your date, involve her also into the decision making process. It should not sound like your idea. Think from her perspective. Always ask yourself the question “what is in it for her?” before you invite her on a date. If you invite her for watching a soccer match or some random roadside eating joint, most likely she may not be interested to come. She may choose to be silent though. Secondly, give choices when choosing date and time. Ask her what would suit you, Saturday or Sunday. Psychologists say that when you give a choice, people generally choose one option. Do the same time for choosing an appropriate time.

Text to Confirm

Once the date and time is confirmed, make sure that you subtly remind her of the date one night before. The trick is to be subtle and not go overboard or make her conscious.A simple message like “Hey let me know if you want me to pick you up from your office/home tomorrow” rather than asking too directly can do the trick. Additionally, take confirmation from her a few hours before the date by sending a casual and subtle message.

Do not Take it too Personally

If she again does not turn up after promising then do not take it too personally. It is not about you. Take it as a rejection and move on. Do not be attached to the outcome. If she is not turning up for the date, it is a basic etiquette to inform you. Therefore, you are wrong and there is nothing wrong with you.

Silent Treatment

If she has not turned up on the date and did not even call or message you, give her a silent treatments. Do not give her a call or text to find out why she did not come. It is her moral duty to call you and inform you. If she does call back, and the reason is not genuine then give her a cold shoulder. You have to wear your attitude on your sleeve. Show her that you are not bothered and do not talk at length. Also, do not express that you are upset by being rude. Just be indifferent till the time she shares the real reason or apologizes genuinely. Even after she has apologized and asks you to fix a date again, tell her you will let her know if you want to go out on a date with her. Do not fix the date on that call. Just ask her about how her day was or how was work and say a simple goodbye.

Let her know you had a Great Time

If she has stood you up, make sure that you do not sulk and have a great time with your friends. Call your friends over for dinner and have a blast. On the next few calls, tell her about the fun you had not to prove a point, but just to share.

Some will, Some will not, so what, Someone is Waiting

This is the best way to deal with such people. Believe in abundance and move on in life. You do not deserve to be treated like this and it is better to move on and find someone who respects your time and effort. Rejection is a part of the game in the dating world. However, do not get bogged down by it. Get up, dust your pants and move on to find someone special.