How To Deal With a Nagging Wife

By Subodh / December 21, 2013

Do not engage with her when she is nagging

When your wife is nagging, make sure that you do not add fuel to the fire by instigating her at that moment. Your idea should be to handle the situation and not blow it out of proportion. This can be quite tough especially when you are upset with her continuous nagging but now is not the time to express your concerns. However, not instigating does not mean you listen quietly to what she says. Tell her that right now, you cannot think constructively and it is better to give each other some space. Promise to discuss the issue when she and you have cooled down.

Listen to her

Once you have promised to her, make sure that you take some time out of your busy schedule and spend some “we-time” with your wife. Fix a time and date and make sure that you note that in your schedule and give it due importance. Nothing is more irritating and frustrating to your wife than making a promise and not keeping it. Block all the distractions out like phone, TV, children and other work related matters. Start the discussion by asking her about what has been bothering her. Once you have asked the question, give her ample time to express what she wants to say. In fact, make her comfortable so that she can say everything that has been bothering her. Every women needs to be heard. Just listening to her should do 50 percent of the job.

How to Deal With a Nagging Wife

Find out the core reason for her nagging

When you are listening to her, try to find out the points that have been bothering her. Go deeper and find out the core reasons. Nagging could be for different reasons. They are not getting enough attention or there is too much pressure at home or work. She could be feeling that you two have lost the spark after years of marriage, which has been bothering her. She probably feels that you are not doing enough to keep the home together. It could be either these or something else. The idea is to make her comfortable so that she can talk and be receptive to her. This can be a time consuming task and quite a draining one too. However, if you have been successful in finding out the core reason, it would be much easier to handle the situation. Nevertheless, before you start talking both of you need to agree on the point that this talk is to solve the matter and not blow it.

Confront

The next step would be to confront her and express what has been bothering you. Maybe you are not able to give time because of work stress and she is not able to understand you. Mostly, wives nag because either they are not getting enough time from you personally or you are not doing enough at home. Explain to her how you spend your day and why are you doing it. For example, if you watch soccer match with your friends and that concerns her, tell her how you like it and promise to make up for it. Alternatively, if you are spending too much time at work, explain to her it is for everyone’s better future. Involve her in your work related discussions and tell her about your work at the end of the day so she feels a part of it.

Content V/s context

This is very important. If your wife says something, try to understand the context and not the content. Context is more important than the content. Content can hurt you but context will give you more clarity as to why she is saying something.

Apologize for your mistakes

In the whole discussion, do remember to apologize for your mistake where you genuinely feel wrong. Apologizing does not put you down and her up. Many people would tell you that it is a battle you must win. It is not a battle. Nevertheless, apologizing does not mean that you start begging her for forgiving you. Do not repeat your apologies. It only weighs down your apology and lastly, do not expect her to forgive you right there and then. Give her space to come back. If you have genuine in your apology, it will do two things. Firstly, she will forgive you wherever you have been wrong. Secondly, it will make her more receptive to listen to your concerns.

Point out your concerns

Once she is receptive to listen to you, point out your concerns. This is very important. Most men do the mistake of pointing out their concerns when their wives are not open to listening. This drains you out and feels you not being heard. When pointing out your concerns and be very firm. If she cuts you in between, tell her you do not like it and will not talk if you are being judged and cut in between. Talk only when she agrees on these points. Tell her that you do not like her nagging all the time and it really disturbs you. Be very firm to communicate to her that you will not do something just because she is nagging. Tell her to communicate to you in future all that bothers her without the nagging.

Marriage is about compromises

If she nags after this also, then you might need to take a few stern steps. When she is nagging, tell her you do not like it and walk out of the room. You need to give her the message that she cannot have her way by nagging at you. After a few hours, tell her that you did not like it and be stern in your approach. If it still continues, you can probable have a word with her and convince her to see a marriage councilor. At the end, there are some compromises that both of you need to do to make the marriage work. They say love has the answer to all the problems. Show your true love to your wife and see her nagging go away.