How To Deal With a Difficult Mother in Law

You will find a lot of jokes related to the relationship between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. Although they are just jokes, they have roots in something incredibly serious. It is a known fact that there is always some hostility between a mother and daughter-in-law. It does not mean that all the mother and daughter-in-laws live in hostility, but there are many who really do. People are not often really bad. It is their ego which is in conflict. When you can check your ego and use it only when it is needed, only then you will be able to live happily and peacefully. Same applies to a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship.

More often than not it is the clash of ego which results in difficult situations. Once the ego is given a back seat, a lot of things get sorted out. If you are a newlywed bride who has just stepped into your new home and finding it difficult to deal with your difficult mother-in-law then you will have to take certain steps to make sure things become more amicable. Here are some tips on dealing with your difficult mother-in-law.

1. Try And Understand The Psychology of a Mother (Not Mother-In-Law)

Your mother-in-law was a mother first before being a mother-in-law. Before you got married to her son, she perhaps had the sole rights over him. Since the time you have stepped in their house, you are not only sharing space in the house you are also sharing her son. These things are very intricate and not easy for everyone to understand. Your mother-in-law perhaps doesn’t even know that she is being difficult to you. She may have transitioned into such a state automatically. You need to understand the psychology of a mother who has just given a part of her son to someone else.

To understand a mother, you will just need to remember how she could be feeling. For this you will first need to get rid of your ego. If you will bring in your ego to the front, it will only make things worse. For this you may have to overlook some of her inappropriate behaviors too.

2. Don’t Try To Change Her; Try To Change Yourself

Your mother in law is perhaps approaching her 60s now. It is very difficult for the people to change at such an old age. You really can’t change their overall thinking. But you can change their outlook towards you by changing yourself. If you are able to change their outlook, it will eventually change their behavior too.

If you are sharing the same house, you will run into each other every day. Most probably you will have the same kitchen and the same dining room too. There could be certain ways you are accustomed to but the way the things are run in the new house could be different. If you become adamant that you will not change your behavior and try to change the behavior of your mother-in-law, there will never be an environment of peace in the house. It will be better if you adapt yourself according to the new situation.

It does not mean that you become a doormat and let the people walk over you. When you are adapting, it simply means you are letting your ego take the back seat. You will do it so that you can stay happily in the new house.

3. Talk Things Out With Your Mother-In-Law

So far it is you who has been compromising. You don’t always have to do it. If you are absolutely not able to get yourself accustomed to certain new ways, you don’t have to force it on yourself. If you will do so, you may be able to manage external peace but your internal peace will be disrupted. If there is something you know you cannot do and is unchangeable in you, stay the way you are. If you fear that it will cause discord with your mother-in-law then the best way would be to speak to her proactively before things take a bad shape.

Speaking to her doesn’t mean being rude. Be absolutely nice and polite but at the same time stay assertive. You must be able to define your boundaries and others must be able to see it clearly too. Tell your mother-in-law that you are making all the attempts to make sure that the things are amicable in the house but there are certain things you will not be able to adjust with. Putting your point across nicely and politely will get you better results than having a standoff.

4. Take Your Spouse’s Help

If you feel that the things are not really working out despite your best efforts then you may need to seek your spouse’s help. Be absolutely sure that you don’t speak against his mother. You shouldn’t sound like a grumbler. You are not trying to make someone go against someone else. All you are trying to do is ease things out so that everyone lives peacefully. If you act like a crybaby you may not be taken seriously by your husband.